you have many good reasons to stop drinking, you, your son, your family. the problem lies not in our desire to stop but the obsession that is centered around alcohol. i don't know if you're alcoholic. only u can decide that, but if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.
there are many ways a person can help themselves. not all ppl go to aa. however i do want to share with you that going to aa does not require u to have any certain belief system or religious slant. it is recommended that one not drink in order to stay sober. the support that is found in the rooms of aa i believe is the majic that helps it work successfully for many ppl, me included. i could not stop drinking on my own. no matter how hard i tried. therapy didn't work either. i needed to learn tools to assist me in staying sober. i learned i could not do this alone successfully.
these are some of the things that helped me:
take staying sober a day at a time, a minute at a time, an hour at a time...what ever is needed, timewise, to not drink.
keep booze out of your home. stay away from ppl you drank with, places u drank at. since u are a closet drinker...you may neeed to keep yourself busy in the home. clean everything and clean some more. go out more often.
find a support system so when u feel like drinking you can call on them and talk yourself "thru" the drink.
there are many triggers that lead us to a drink...stressors...upsets in the family...worries...dog dieing, dog not dieing..we use any excuse in the book to drink. you will need to watch these triggers and try to avoid them.
and so on....
for me, all these things and helpful tools i found in the rooms of aa.
not everyone here will agree with my solution. i'm just sharing you my experience,the hope, and the ability to stay sober i found by going to aa. you may find another avenue and i truly do wish you well. i hope you are able to stop if that is what u want to do. i hope u will keep us posted and know that we do care about you and that you do matter to us.