Hi Cramer,
The more you "push" to have your wife stay in the marriage, the more she will run the other way. Yes, I understand that there are children involved and this certainly complicates matters when it comes to ending a marriage. Many women on this board, including myself have been subjected to emotional abuse, and like you acknowledged, it does not have to be yelling or screaming. Being controlled or manipulated really sucks and frequently women just wake up one morning and say, "I'am not going to take it anymore".
If your wife claims that you have been emotionally abusive, then that is her reality. All you can do is deal with her perceptions of the marriage. To deny her feelings is another example of being emotionally abusive or emotionally abandoning her. Both suck.