The Mother is very ill. She lives 1000 miles away. She hasn't much changed over the yrs.
I talked to her the other night and she poured out all about her illness to me.
She said the Father is not well either. (he is 81, she is 76)
she hinted that she would like me to come and care for her--not right out saying it...but she hints without expressing needs.
After she told me about her situation, she asked how my H and I were. I said we are fighting colds and I have surgery on the 12th and will be laid up for about 3-4 weeks. It is nescessary elective surgury.
The father promptly hung up the phone without a goodbye and she said thank you for calling and hung up.

It is disasterous when we are together. Insiders are triggered and scared of the Mother and Father. And to top it all of, I do NOT like being around old sick people.Or even physically ill adults.

She is the Mother--Even tho she abandoned us and then took us back at 3 yrs old. And was sure to remind us all the growing up yrs that we ruined her life---and she used many methods to get that across.

We don't hate her.
We feel very guilty that we can't go help her.
Other siblings have
We are the oldest
We have never gone to help her.