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Originally Posted by ihateit
I am sticking to the truth though. A lot of people do throw them out the window, statistically over 50% of marriages end up in divorce, people treat marriage as if they were BF/ - G/F, just break up, no prob. In my counsleing sessions I have heard many stupid reasons why ppl get divorced, the worst one was because the husband wouldn't put the toilet seat down, that was it, that was the reason the wife divorced him...please.
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I know a lot of people who have gotten divorced and it has not come easily to any of them. I don't believe MOST people throw their marriages out the window, especially people who have children together. Sure there are exceptions out there (the toilet seat is an extreme example and probably was not the underlying issue anyway), but the majority of people do not leave a marriage without considerable effort at making it work. It is not easy getting divorced, and for the most part, people do not take that lightly. Yes, ihateit, I understand your views differ, but I guess it's important that we not invalidate others by stating our experience as "the truth", as clearly your truth is different from the one I have observed, and I'm basing that not just on my experience but on a wider group. I do understand personally the angst about splitting up. It's not an easy thing, divorce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihateit
marriage isn't something you enter into lightly...divorce, for the most part, is something people enter into lightly, because it's easy.
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Completely disagree. I believe you have it backwards, lol. Most people do not enter into divorce lightly, but I believe many, many people enter into marriage lightly, without really considering the depth of the commitment they should be making. And to repeat something I know to be true after a long experience in the legal system, just considering process and procedures (not emotions or vows or commitments), getting a divorce is not easy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihateit
...divorce, for the most part, is something people enter into lightly, because it's easy.
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Wow, do you really think that? Here I am, suffering for years with my husband and his OCD/OCPD, control issues, erratic behavior, sexual issues, etc...and I have put up with it because I made those vows. Of course, at the time we got married, 14 years ago, I had no idea things were going to be like this.
And I don't think it's easy at all to call it quits. I usually feel two things when it comes to my husband - either disgusted or numb - but I have stayed in this unhealthy marriage for the sake of our daughter who wants nothing more in life than to have her parents love each other and stay married.
I am a stepmom, and I don't want my daughter to endure what a stepfamily situation faces.
I also know this is not a healthy family situation either.
I am struggling terribly with this, trying to deal with the struggles that this marriage holds - while protecting the health of my daughter - and it is one of the main reasons I am now reaching out to a therapist.
I don't think divorce is easy AT ALL.... |
Exactly!! This is a good illustration of the not untypical angst that people go through regarding divorce and staying together. Hang in there, mixed_emotions.
I have to say that I stayed in my marriage for years past when I should have left, largely for the sake of the kids (and also my belief that marriage should last forever), and the breakup of the marriage has not had the negative effect I feared on the children. My former spouse and I have worked hard to have a good post-divorce relationship and cooperate on co-parenting. I know that's not possible for all divorced couples, but it is something to strive for it the other party is capable and willing. I do agree with ihateit, that people should consider all options before divorcing and try everything they can (unless there is severe abuse). Has your H tried going to counseling for his OCD and anger issues? Sometimes it's easier to get a spouse through the therapist's door if you say it is for marriage counseling, and once there, the therapist can help them see they need individual work too. Please PM me anytime....