I would suggest marriage counseling for the both of you with a dynamite therapist. The fact that both of you are committed to working on this is a huge positive for you. And I also think your wife's honesty is a huge plus too for marriage therapy and the outlook for your marriage. Yes, some of the things she said were painful for you to hear, but you know where she is at and that helps you know what needs to be done. ihateit, I would also suggest you work very hard to solve your anger and control issues as these are not contributing to marital health. This will really help your wife see that the marriage is something of value because her husband cares about how she feels enough to change his controlling and angry ways. Your anger/insistence on control could very well be triggering her PTSD. She is working on that in therapy, but you need to do your part too. I agree with what tablarosa wrote on the possible behavior in PTSD of wanting to please, acquiesce, etc. Both you and your wife can work on your communication skills in therapy so that you are clear communicators and are saying what you really mean. You can learn to communicate in a way that is clear, direct and understandable but not threatening. She can learn the same but also work on not acquiescing just to avoid confrontation. If she is scared to engage in any confrontation, then you guys will not make progress. It will help her to be able to confront successfully and see that she can survive and not fall apart and that the marriage will endure despite the confrontations. This will all take time but is often at the heart of couples work.

Later down the road.... Does your wife want to rediscover her love for you? If so, then the two of you can work on that together. I'm not sure you are at the stage for this, but I recommend this book (keep it for the future when you are there):
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
http://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Mar...6367257&sr=1-1

Best of luck.