..why don't I just accept that and move on instead of this agony and frustration of thinking I can participate in therapy.
Sure I idealize, but real connections? Can't. I wonder if it is possible to be so hidden away from one's self and others that there is no going back.
I'm getting pretty tired of being so out of touch and closed up, pushing away and avoiding because it's all I know and because silence and holding back are my protection.
We have some good sessions, some very good sessions, but at the same level and my defenses are preventing the depth I desire. It seems like a vicious cycle and that there is no solution. I know, hopeless and helpless, my companions and part of the sabotaging of having what I want.
I don't know what the answer is. Just thinkin...