For me, forgiveness has always come secondary to me putting rational thought to the situation. If you are consumed by emotion and can't even think straight, it's likely that forgiving them won't make sense and won't be appealing either.

For me, I have to remind myself that we are all fallible. I reflect back on the things that I have done in my life that would warrant apologies on my part or forgiveness on another.

In cases of family, I have to remind myself that just because they are family, doesn't mean they are above the "normal" standard of what a person is - they are fallible. They will hurt me from time to time, whether on accident or on purpose. So long as my self preservation and my livelihood is in tact, all of that is okay (I know some people don't think of it this way... this is not meant to apply if you are currently in an abusive situation of course. At that point the priority is not forgiveness, it's safety).

A lot of it has just taken time ... and space. I know I will never have the type of relationship I truly want with some of my family. I have to let that be okay, and I have to let other's love be enough for me.

In general, no matter what you are trying to do in life, it's best to take it one day at a time. If today you don't feel like forgiving - then don't. There is a tomorrow, and if the sun for some reason decides not to come up the next day and its the end of the world as we know it, then we really have nothing to worry about any way. We won't be here to regret what we did in life. Live in the present as best you can and let all other matters take care of themselves. Do your best, even if you think its not good enough. At least, that has usually worked for me any way. Good luck