at first i was, why isn't she giving this guy a break???....but then i remembered a gf that had a husband as you describe yours. when she left him she pretended to go to work, came home, and packed up everything-50%. i had asked her when she told me how she was doing this, why???? she told me just what you posted, controlling,etc. she had no life. he later contacted me for support and i was there for him but guess what? he was exactly as she described. i finally had to give him my own ultimatum with our friendship cause this man wouldn't leave me alone...phone calls, coming over unannounced when i asked him to call first, etc.
so i guess i'll leave this for you to decide or for feedback from others here at pc. if i hadn't experienced this with my gf's ex i wouldn't have known such ppl existed...it's so foreign to me.you've lived it so you're the best person to know, imo.