Hi Cramer,
Very good questions. Both of you share in the responsibility of being butt-heads in your marriage. Both of you share in the responsibility of saying demeaning things to one another. Both of you are responsible for being proactive (independently) in order to get the tools necessary in order to be civil human beings to one another. Children are better off in a household where the parents respect one another.
Accept that both of you have lots to learn whether you decide to stay married or not. Your children depend on both parents being mature and putting their needs first. True change comes about because both parties are willing to accept responsibility for the failings of the marriage. Blame either way will not solve the fundamental problems of the marriage which include lack of respect toward one another. Let this situation cool off and keep the focus on, "What are the things that I think are important in a marriage?" "What did I like or not like about my parent's relationship?" "I believe a woman should or should not. . ." "Where do I see myself in 10 years from now?" "Am I happy in my current relationship?" "Am I mature and have a good understanding of my own emotional needs?" "Do I have good insight as to my own problems?" "How do I handle stressful situations?"