 rachie, can u contact your doc and see if he can help? i know you're feeling down on yourself. it's the depression talking...it's hard not to listen to the beliefs it creates but you're certainly not a loser in my book! i care about you and how u 're feeling. many of us understand what you're going thru, please try and get some help. you matter to me. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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