welcome to pc (((french empress))). i'm glad you shared about what's going on with you. yes it does take so much mental energy to deal with bp sometimes. i hope you are able to find a t and pdoc that you feel comfortable with a good match. i know for me that that helps. you may feel helpless and hopeless but you can get better. i know cause i was able to get better with meds and a good pdoc and t, jme. i'm also glad u felt comfortable enough to share your feelings. it does help with the bp to talk about it. we all have felt totally burdened with our bp at one time or another, so please know it doesn't matter if you write how down you feel. i'm hoping you will the support here that will help, too. it's a very caring community of ppl just like u and me!