ouch, that would be hard for me to deal with. i do have old trust issues that immediately came to the forefront when i read your 2 posts, grammee. seems to me this is the "come to jesus meeting" time for you two. you have done nothing wrong, first of all. i don't care if your marriage was on the rocks. if he is having an affair. i know i am tough on this issue with partners but i feel if one is unhappy then the fair and sensible thing to do is stop the one relationship before starting another. but that is just me. i saw what infidelity did to my family growing up and it has impacted my life and my entire family altho it was a "secret".
i would ask your husband for an honest answer. if he poo-poohs this that to me is a red flag. if he is open with you about how this all came about then perhaps it's worth listening to. if you don't like his response or intuitively feel he's not being square with you, i'd tell him it's time for family therapy. if he refuses, then i suggest you go anyway. you will need support to get thru this happening regardless of whether he did or didn't have an affair going.
once again i stress that this type of thing is a touchy issue with me...i could be barking up the wrong tree. i hope that is the case.
i hope your conversation with him goes well. i hope your suspicions are unfounded for both your sakes. 31 years of marraige is a lot of devoted time together. please let us know how you're doing. i care and hope you know u matter.
just noted bonaire suggested a come to jesus mtg. too!