(((clm2009)))

Welcome to PC!!!

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with the break-up. People with AS can be some of the most loyal people in the world, but when it comes time to end a relationship that same loyalty can be very hard to deal with.

My advice (feel free to take or discard).
First, remember all of the wonderful things about the person. Remember why you started a relationship in the first place. Know that whatever happened between the two of you, there is a good person inside of your ex, just like you are a good person.

Second, accept that you each had a role to play, and that feelings were hurt on both sides. (Your ex may not be able to recognize this, so IMHO it is the responsibility of the person who does understand to take the lead.)

Then, and only then sit down to talk. Set a time frame for the talk, and establish the boundaries up front. Be willing to say 'I'm sorry I hurt you', and really mean it. Whether you mean to hurt the ex or not, it is real for him. Just like your hurt is real, whether he meant it or not.

Try to remember that what is easy for you (understanding social meanings) is very hard for your ex. It might help to imagine that you are explaining things to a child -- to keep the tone compassionate.

It is quite possible that your ex will never understand how and why you are hurt. It is not that he is a bad person, just his brain does not work the same way yours does. Be willing to walk away from the meeting without having any of your emotional needs met. The point of the meeting would be to bring closure, not to establish 'who is right'.

As they say ... it takes two to tango. If you can find compassion in yourself, the cycle of blame can end. I know it doesn't seem fair because you were hurt also, but the alternative is to hold onto the hurt and continue the cycle.

HTH. I know its hard.