Hey (((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))))

If I remember correctly, my therapist has asked me the same question before too...

I dunno. It's familiar and safe mostly. If I'm depressed that means I can't do x,y,z so I have an excuse or "out". If I'm depressed, people expect less of me which helps if I fear failing. If I'm depressed, it's easier for me to accept help from others and hugs and support - people seem more willing to help instead of me having to ask all the time. If I'm depressed, that means I don't have to "change" and I hate change. If I'm depressed, I have an excuse to feel crappy and to take care of myself... especially if growing up I wasn't allowed to "feel" what I'm feeling.

Actually I just remembered... my T actually asked me what I "got" out of self-injuring, but I guess it can be the same idea...