[quote=anxiousdude;743852]hi
not sure if this is the correct forum folder for this but
i have this extremely unhealthy need to please everyone around me which means that i do anything anyone asks me for them etc , without properly looking after myself
does that sound selfish?

Caring for yourself is not selfish, its essential for your very survival. if you dont look after yourself, then no-one will; least of all your inconsiderate friends.. I have experienced the exact same issues as you. Ultimately, I decided to ditch all my toxic friends. It was incredibly liberating. I had found myself getting hurt and blaming them for the situation but eventually i realised that i was acting like a victim and that i had options; i didnt have to be friends with these people-I made that choice so i began to see what my role was in the sorry mess. Eventually I reasoned that if they didnt make me feel good, then they weren't worth my time. Thats the criteria i still use today.

However its only the beginning of my journey towards greater self-esteem etc so I'm at an awkward phase right now. My trust in people in general is gone. It's sad but I am paranoid of being hurt again because I honestly cant take it anymore. So at the moment, I'm in "hibernation" metaphorically speaking but I know I'm on the right track and will get there eventually. I try to take care of myself but I find myself relapsing into self-destructive behaviour-old habits die hard.... in my experience, it requires constant vigilance to maintain boundaries and take care of myself-probably because this is such a relatively new concept to me. After years of self neglect, I'm finding the transition is painful and slow but as I have said, I'm only at the beginning.

The most important thing is that you have recognised this pattern. Most people pleasers never realise what they are doing so are doomed. You are already one step ahead of the pack...therapy,support groups and self-help groups are all good ways to learn to undo this. hope you continue to progress....