Yes I know I am experiencing therapy at the moment as something else, some other time, some other person, I know this because the feelings I am experiencing are so powerful, they will not go away, this time they are demanding resolution.

All last week was about muddle and confusion, I'm saying one thing and T another, and even though shes responded to my emails and apologised for the muddle we seem to be having, ITS NOT ENOUGHT!!, I want something more than that, but what? I don't know. I feel like I am not going to ever find complete resolution for all my issues and feel like I'm hitting a brick wall with my head, its frustrating and the anger and at times rage I am experiencing..

Yesterday I had made up my mind to not go on Monday, and not only just not go, but not contact her and leave her trying to find me. Oh but wait a moment isnt' that how I've felt all my life toward my birth mother??? oh yes see I know this is transference at the moment, but naming it doesnt change it, I want this finished with RIGHT NOW!!, I dont want to sit on that ****ing couch and talk a load of **** and just going round and round in circles! Dam it!! Even reading here and seeing everyone else experiencing the same dragged out frustrations is painful right now and I've never felt I couldnt read here, but since yesterday Its been to painful...aaarrrggghhh