This labyrinth seems even more complicated than the one I'm stuck with. Why should I put this labyrinth on top of my already complicated enough labyrinth? I can't navigate them both at once. It all seems like nonsense to me. I'm losing faith in psychology. No one can help me. They are all just as confused as I am. They don't really know what's wrong with me. They can't even decide if I'm bipolar or schizoaffective. I think I just need a good exorcist. Because my problems keep focusing on spiritual things and preventing me from being able to connect with God I become convinced it is demons. But is that just another delusion? Delusion of control by external/alien forces is what they call it. But how would they know unless they can prove for certain whether it is coming from such forces or only coming from my mind? Medication is not helping, it is only making it worse. What if by taking medication I am actually making myself and my mind MORE vulnerable to being taken over and tortured by these monsters? It sure seems that way, I have been in more torment the past few weeks than I ever felt possible. Nothing has been right since that hospitalization where they switched my medication. It has only gotten worse.

Why don't pdocs and Tdocs ever talk to you anymore to help you sort things out? People on here sound like they get things sorted out but nobody will sort things out with me and it makes me even more paranoid. Like they all know my dirty Esau secret and are afraid to deal with me at all. I am the horror all men fear if they have a mind to fear and if not, their subconscious mind forewarns them to keep a distance. I don't want to be this thing anymore. Isn't there anyone in the whole freaking world who can help me????