(((((((((((ECHOES))))))))))))
You know, I have also felt this exact same way:
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
I think that reading here interferes with my therapy. In my therapy, the therapist maintains neutrality and does not direct the therapy. T does many caring things, accepting phone calls, offering her cell #, returning phone calls when asked, adjusting her fee, etc. But I feel conflicted because it doesn't feel personal. I also want the therapist who hugs, holds a hand, etc. Yet if she did those things, I know I would feel in danger of .. I read here and then I feel disappointed that my experiences with my therapist don't compare.
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I have taken the experiences that I read here in the back of my mind into that room and that relationship and wished for all of these things that I think I SHOULD have. What I have come to realize recently is that in that room I AM getting exactly what I need. I am getting exactly the tenderness and connection and physical space that is right for me. You see, I
think that I want all of these other things that others have written. Last week I asked for something that I thought I wanted and got it in the moment. After though, I felt very strongly that what I had asked for and received was not in actuality something that I am comfortable with. My T and I talked about it in the next session and I was very clear to express that what I had asked for was not something I feel okay with. Nothing terribly exciting- I asked for her to sit with me on the couch. But I learned that I need physical space and separation to feel safe. It was a good experience to have and has left me not only with a better sense of myself and what it is that I need and want but also a clear picture of how the grass is not always greener. Or maybe that the grass on my side is just as green and cool and soft as what others have.
Take care Echoes.