I have surgury this week. nothing major--a "bladder face lift"--haha

seriously, i'm anxious. i'm nervous and scared. all the "oh it's ok" and "it's nothing, i had it" words are welcomed, but that's not it.
it's the giving up control with anesthesia
it's fear of littles getting triggered and coming front (it's happened before and tho we know to put them in their safe playroom and lock the door--it doesn't alway work)
it's fear that i won't wake up.
or that something will go wrong....
tooo many medical shows I guess.
My Dr doesn't know I am DID, nor does she know I am a survivor.....
or have PTSD.....embarrassed to say.....makes me feel less than or that all the nurses will look at me judgingly or treat me with those "kid gloves" for fear I will freak out or something--but what if I do????

I'm trying to breathe, really I am.
I need hugs and understanding and
words from others who have gone thru any kind of surgury and have been ok and no incidences.

oh, our T will be in CA during my surgury time. Won't even have her to talk to if I get anxious or insiders get scared......H will be with me. That's good. Couple RL friends. but no one who really understands the chaos and anxiety right now.
wi