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Shelle · Mar 08, 2009, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihateit

I am not sure if this is the place to do this. I did a search and I haven't seen anyone talk about what I am going to say.

Ok, here's my story...

I have been married to my wife for 11 years. I love her deeply, my world revolves around her and our children. Up until Monday, this week, I thought everything was ok (ignorance is bliss?). I knew we were having a few problems, and just thought we needed to talk. During the talk she spit out I am not in love with you, I don't need you, this is over and there's nothing you can do about it.

I came to find out, I had mad a few huge mistakes, I was too controlling (and yes, I was), but didn't know I was doing it. I have anger issuses, which I am now taking under control and seeing a therapist for (started before she mentioned this, that she hated my anger outbursts).

My problem is this, I love her more than anything, my world revolves around her, and I want us and her to be ok. She is seeing a therapist for her PTSD. This is the third time we have gone through the exact same situation, yet she never actually said she wasn't in love with me anymore, but it was out there, hanging in the air.

We have always worked through it, and I know we can now. We have talked, and she admitted that what she said was spur of the moment, anger talking, and really what she felt at that moment, but she doesn't want a divorce and wants to work on the marriage now. She said if I asked her now to marry her she'd say no...another blow to the heart, but understandable, and she says she's still not "In Love" with me, but that over time yes, everything will be ok. I know this is a HUGE step, but I am walking on egg shells, doing all I can to make sure she's ok with what I am doing.

Has anyone else had a loved one they have delt with that has done something similar to this? Thast has PTSD? How did you handle it? My wife is my world, my heart and my soul belong to her, and I want to help her get the best help for her PTSD and to make her trust in me again, and that no matter what happens, I am here for her.

Thank you in advance for any help or suggestions.

You should probably work on yourself at this point. She said she is not in love with you anymore so why do you want to make her stay in a situation that makes her unhappy deep down inside? Isn't that a bit selfish? If she is not in love with you and you truly love her perhaps you two should seperate and let her discover if in being on her own she has any realizations or change of heart in her feelings for you. She needs to work on her own resentments and resolve them herself. All you can do is work on yourself and make your own changes and thats all she can do to. You can appreciate or even love the way you feel about yourself when your with her but if you don't feel good about yourself without her then there is a problem. I think you should work on your own issues without the guarantee that she is staying. Also one of the loving things you can do is to allow her not to feel guilty for how she feels and the changes she may need to make to heal her anger.