Yes, I am a "scientist" and a "philosopher" and I have often struggled with my faith. I keep coming back though and do not spend much time wondering why I "wandered" in the first place.

In my opinion, God(not knowing what denomination/faith you practice) is not as hard on me as I am on myself.......

I wonder if it would help to know that no matter where you go, spiritually or existentially, He is is right there beside you?

As long as I live my life to the best of my ability, regardless of my religious/dogmatic faith at the time, I know I am loved, unconditionally.......

Be forgiving and loving of yourself and others and you shall experience divinity........