Thank you all for your replies. It is a good part of therapy to want what you have and to not look outside yourself when it is more helpful to look within. Lots of work there for me to do
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It sounds like it. In my last session on Thursday, T and I were talking about feeling separate from others; on the outside looking in, etc. It's a very lonely place for a child and for adults too!
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((MissC)) Thanks for getting me
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I think the trick is to not let it interfere.
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Sunny, I agree. I think mostly I read with curiosity, but sometimes when I'm in a rough spot with T, or think I am, and I don't know what to do, I think it's hard then to read here. I think I'm looking outside instead of inside and maybe looking to blame T. If she was more like another T then all would be perfect. Yeah, sure. lol
You often refer to psychoanalysts as blank slates but that truly applies to very classic analysis where the analysand lies on the couch and free-associates and the analyst speaks only to offer an interpretation. Most therapy today that is analytical is psychodynamic/psychoanalytical and the patient and psychoanalyst sit facing one another (some do lie down) and the therapist offers interpretations and associations and may expand on them.
I suppose the neutrality and minimal self disclosure could feel like a blank slate. It is meant to keep the patient's focus on the patient's issues and not on the therapist's.
You have such a good memory. Yes, this is the therapy I sought and that I want.
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mouse said:... you dont have to rub out yours because you've seen someone elses? This is life...its about finding what it is you are wanting within you and your world experience..
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Thank you!
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Lifelesstravelled said: Can you look at/keep in mind everything your T does for you instead what what she doesnt do to show that she cares?
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I will try to focus on what I have and not what I don't have or don't think I have. Therapy and T are what they are, not what they aren't.
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earthmama said: I go through phases where I quiz T on what therapy is like with his other clients. Does he draw with them?? (I noticed pastels on his desk).
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Oh gosh, I get so jealous when I see the paintbrushes soaking in a jar on her desk. I know some lucky little kid has been in there painting with her *pouts*. (Thank you for saying you would miss me. That means a lot to me. I feel like I don't participate here so much these days and wouldn't be missed.)
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searchingmysoul said: I asked for her to sit with me on the couch. But I learned that I need physical space and separation to feel safe.
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I have asked this (she won't, but "let's talk about that") and I think as much as I think I want it, I would feel very overwhelmed at the closeness. A few sessions ago we got to the door at the same time and she leaned past me to open it and I surprised myself by leaning way away from her, edging past her to get to the door. Kind of embarassed myself too.
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I have posted here about how some touch has been healing for me in the room. What was left out of that post was the 100 (approx) sessions leading up to that moment when T and I both stood for a hug. Then the next 10 sessions of processing that one hug. Then the hours and hours of thinking about it on my own... One post where I say 'I had this amazing connection with T today' does not really show the HUGE amount of work it took to get there.
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spottedowl, Thank you for the added perspecctive
. If a hug was an everyday experience I suppose one might not post about it... makes sense.
Yeah, I guess it's all okay.
It was so nice of you all to respond. Thank you so much
