(((((((((((((((((((rachie))))))))))))))))))))
Since you were 13?? That's so hard!!! I don't know what I would do in your position.... you are incredibly brave to have made it so far under all of that stress and pressure, and you must be feeling so down right now... I know that it feels impossible, but if you can find a little bit of energy to do so, try to do something that makes you smile, even if it's silly and superficial (like seeing a movie)! Please, PLEASE know that you DO matter, you DESERVE to live and, best of all, your kids love you!! It's hard for children not to love their parents, even when they're at their worst.

Hang in there, and keep going strong 'till that doc can see you!
Don't give up,
<3
~muse