oh god.

so pdoc has been building up to referring me to a new T. 2-3 weeks ago he mentioned that he had been thinking of getting someone new on board, and told me a bit about the person he had in mind. last week he said he'd bumped into the new T in the tea room and had a chat about me and if the new-T would take me on. today he told me he'd write up the referral for next time, and be very vague about my trust issues and childhood stuff. i must've made an ick face (i dont want anyone to know about my trust/childhood issues!!) but i was too embarrassed to tell pdoc i didn't want new-T to know about it just yet, so i stayed quiet. pdoc must've interpreted my silence as being wary of what was going into the referral letter, so he decided to dictate it there, so i could listen in and know that he wasn't saying anything sinister about me. which was kind, i think.

anyway, he said he'd get one of the secretaries to type it up before next week and he'd give me new T's mobile then so i could arrange a first appointment. but jesus, i'm already dreading the first appt. i don't wanna go! and i'm especially queasy because now the new-T knows about the childhood stuff and trust stuff and so i'm gonna be even more on guard. i don't wanna tell him anything, in case he makes me feel crap about it. i hate Ts.

the end.