i am in a relapse. i have chronic pain issues that make wearing a pain patch necessary. my doctor finally had to add some pills due to breakthrough pain. i am in emotional pain and used my meds to alter my feelings and mood. i am not in a program due to landing in some abuse in program and having a damnable habit of picking abusive sponsors. i do not know what i will do about this since i've was sober for 5 1/2 years and left my program due to all the garbage going on in it. look where isolation has gotten me though i am in therapy for childhood abuse. damn. for today all i can do is get honest. i am in a relapse. i hate myself.