((turquoisesea)))))))))))) talk to your Dr , If you are getting worse as you said, Talk to someone IRL too
Its sounds like you know yourself very well. ANd are really trying. imo
Get the help you need so as not to hurt you.
Im sorry your friend is having to go into the hospital . Thats the last part I read.
Im glad his parents will be there with you.
Remember to take care of you .
as you do (matter))))))))))))))))