thanks Myzen....yes, that quiet comfortable space you describe is spot on...

I crave company, but its also like it 'carves me up' sometimes..
I both need to feel safe with others....and also to have my own space.

And I understand why you would feel resentful , I think...because you could never enjoy it back then because of the situation, which has like 'destroyed' any enjoyment for you now, and it brings up jeaulousy and pain and fear?

I really sense now how much anxiety is centred around food for me. Also there is a little baby inside me that wants to be fed...(I was fed through a tube in the incubator, until I pulled it out..)
I find it almost unbearable to eat around people I respect and who are in authority...I still feel like a child..

I spent some time in the kitchen working in a retreat centre, even so that did not 'cure' me entirely...

My parents are total food aholics...weekly shop in M and S...meals out in restaurants every time they go on hol in Belguim....(tho my mum takes care now due to high Bpre and cholestrerol, she's 69 too)
They 'hide' in food....as if it could make everything better...poeee!!!

sorrel