I have had depression most of my life and have been on meds for 13 years and other then increasing them with time they have worked well. Lately however, I am really feeling weird. It is like there is like blank pictures flicking back and forth in my head. I cant focus on anything, I am not sleeping well, I cant seem to do a good job at work, I get stuff done but it takes way more effort then it should and isn't done as good as it used to be. This makes me worry about my job. Then I worry more about money because I am the primary bread winner in my house. I find myself just kind of blank and empty feeling, staring at things. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go anywhere. I am tired but I don't even want to go to sleep. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. My husband is great and we have a great marrage but he doesn't understand depression at all. My mother is bipolor and is in prison. My sister is recently diagnosed bipolor and my other sister should be. I see bipolor tendencies in me and my son but don't really know if I want to see the "energy" go away, it is the only time I feel normal. I worry because when I am sad like this I think it is really me and I change things, where I live etc. to make things seem better but then that might not be what I would have chosen if I was feeling ok at the time. My inability to make decisions drives my hubby crazy. I just want to feel better and to have someone to talk to that understands what I am going through.