hi DocJohn,

i'm certainly no relationship expert myself, but it seems that, no matter how it ends, or who ends it, there's grief on both sides. so, maybe allowing yourself to grieve is okay.

i really don't know what to say. i had a whole lot written down but... still not quite sure. i can say that i spent almost half my life thinking that i'm not "normal", that i can't have a "normal", intimate relationship. i've felt for a very long time that i'm not the relationship-type. my mother used to ask me, "when are you getting married?" she doesn't ask any more. sure, sometimes i'm jealous of my friends who are involved in serious relationships, but only once in awhile, like when everyone goes to a party as couples. i'm certainly not jealous of my sister, who's just started divorce proceedings.

it used to bother me a lot to think that i may never marry, or have children, but over the past few years, my life has become rich in other ways. for one, i have more of a relationship with myself. sure, there will always be an empty spot that a "significant other" could help fill, but which is the more important relationship? the one with yourself or with other people? i have found that, since i started having a better relationship with myself, taking care of myself, that my other relationships are all the more better. like any relationship, it takes work. it didn't happen over night, but it makes living a whole lot easier.

i'm so sorry you're grieving right now, and i do hope that some day you'll find that "special someone." but until then, learn from your mistakes and take care of yourself.

one of the things i like about being a programmer is that mistakes are inevitable. it's often in those mistakes that solutions are found. it's like life. we're not always perfect, but we can learn a lot when things don't go as we planned.

take care,

splash