I don't know where to post this, but since T will be mentioned in here I figured I would just put it here.

I am sorry for whining but the guy I have been seeing just broke up with me. I won't get into the details, just that for someone who has done such a "great job" at suppressing my feeling for all these years, I didn't think it would hurt so much--it's bringing up soooo many emotions with him and past stuff and I hate it. I have been trying to ignore them and hold them in but they are building up so much that I am starting to feel myself shaking from the inside out. and have i resorted to doing something I told T I wouldn't do and I went a whole three weeks without it til now.

I dont feel like going to see T tomorrow. I have a massive headache I havent eaten or slept since sunday night. I feel like I got hit by a bus 1000 times. I have 8 hours to think about cancelling (i need to give 24 hour notice). I dont think I will be of any use sitting there on her couch and I dont want to take the chance of breaking down in front of her--if that happens i will probably end up running out and locking myself in the bathroom for the rest of the session...so to avoid complete embarrassment I'd rather not go at all.

I know you guys are going to advise that I go...but I dont want to....

I dont know. I just felt like whining. sorry. I dont expect a response.