hi alex, sorry you're having a tough time getting your spouse to understand your position.

Unfortunately, depression is an illness that's very difficult to understand if you don't have/have never had it. It's hard for partners/family/friends to make sense of it, and it's hard for depressives to get across exactly how they're feeling. But you managed to describe things fairly well in your post, so have you considered maybe writing down your feelings in a letter to your spouse? He might get it a little better if you can organize your thoughts properly on paper. If you can't do that, maybe just make a list of things you know will trigger your depression, like particular topics of conversation, and ask that he look it over and try to stick with it as much as he can. That way he'll know which things are stressful for you and will be able to avoid them in future. I did that with some friends and family members. We made a list of "ground rules" we could all live with so we didn't drive each other mad, and it made things a little easier on all of us.

Another option is to bring him along to see your doctor or your therapist, if you have one. A professional might be able to help him understand exactly what's going on with you, as well as outline the kind of support you're going to need while you recover from your illness.

The number one thing to remember, no matter how much or how little support you get from your spouse, is that the depression and the symptoms that come with it is not your fault. There is absolutely no way a depressive can just "get over it". This isn't something you can just press through or wish away. Try pointing out to your spouse that he would never ask someone with a broken leg to just "walk it off" and he should not expect you to get well without the time and treatment needed to heal. Stress that you're ill. You have the right to recuperate and ask for his support in that.

There are also good books out there that you can find on depression. If your spouse is a reader, maybe suggest he read up on people's accounts of their depression -- not just the medical texts, but the accounts of people's time as depressives. A good one is "Sunbathing In The Rain" by Gwyneth Lewis, it's a quick read and good account of her illness, and it also lists various ways loved ones can help.

Make sure you remember that this is probably a very tough thing for your spouse to handle. It doesn't mean you have to apologize or feel guilty for being ill, but keep in mind that he's probably doing his best in a situation he doesn't know how to handle.

All the best.