i dont even know what is wrong with the picture anymore... i think i got sucked into a 4th dimension....
i see things you cant and i hear things you dont...
i am able to perceive peoples bad intentions,their alterior motives...
sometimes people watch me through the blinds and from hidden cameras placed all over the city and freeways.
the administration at my work are evil beings wearing human skin and i look at them and see flaws in their disguise... i can see that they are false people. they want to fire me and they are opportunistic, waiting for a reason to write me up.
the ADA office is nothing but an information gathering entity that fools us into believing they protect our rights but really they are just trying to keep tabs on all the people with mental illness, in order to put us all under surveilance. and they are conducting secret studies on me and others, monitoring our employment.
the noises i hear i know are real, i try to figure out what it all means and get past the mental barriers that have been chemically created by the medication the doctors prescribed with the false promise that it would make me "better".
i am worse and i dont think it is a coincidence....

i still exhibit the symptoms of "bipolar disorder"
and i experience what some label "psychosis" but maybe the diagnoses are wrong...
i suspect this may be prodromal stage of paranoid schizophrenia.
the mood disturbance has infected my thoughts and is disturbing my perceptions and rationalizations... appearing to be almost a combonation thought and mood disorder.
i am gripping tight to the current awareness of this gradual progression of my mental state.
but i will contine to post in bipolar and psychosis forums, cuz there is a combo of both going on in my mind.
i need to stay awake and not fall into the sleep of ignorance and oblivion, so i can study this as much as i can while i am still conscious.
so if anyone has links to scientific explanations for the chemicals responsible for dictating my irrational thoughts and unpredictible moods, please post some for me.
im on a quest for the answers to give me the advantage when the darkness becomes strong enough to envelope me.