EM--thanks. i decided to go. im mainly going b/c i need to just be in safe space even if it's just for 50 minutes. i live with my parents. my mother who gets some sort of entertainment out of people's drama and pain. its the only time I am "interesting" to her and thats just so she can get the info she needs to start spreading the word. And a father who is so detached and always has been there is really no use in even wasting the energy--among other things.

just the whole being vulnerable thing. I havent exactly worked on that yet. I dont know if i can do it. I will probably end up going in there stone faced...hopefully. I'd prefer it over breaking down.

Notme---thank you for that. I never thought about how it would help for my T to see me as i am in the moment when something is happening with me. I go in there all the time "fake" pretending to be sally sunshine. I cant fake the funk on this one.

Sannah--I hate crying in front of people. I was always sent to my room for crying and told to come out when I've calmed down aka shut up. Its just natural for me to want to hide.

Roseleigh--thanks! i am going to go. I dont want to go, but T will be on vacation next week so i kind of dont want to miss two weeks. I am hoping she will give me some advice on how to get through this.