Healing is on-going. It doesn't just happen in the T sessions--it continues.

I think it's tricky when a T suggests what may have happened to you, and you don't have a memory. That's where you have to rely on your body and feelings to guide you.

And that's not easy either. I'm only speaking for myself. I thought since I'm an 'emotionally dramatic' kind of gal, that meant I am in touch with my feelings.

What working through my PTSD is helping me see, is that I avoid all uncomfortable feelings--anxiety, fear, sadness, depression, grief, vulnerability and I do that by numbing out whenever possible.

For me, arguing on the internet with perfect strangers about politics was an effective way for me to not feel what I was feeling. I used internet political forum posting as a self-medication.

The good news is it's stopped working for me, and I'm finding alternatives. For example, posting here. I post less often, and I am more connnected to my feelings--because everyone else here is healing too.

That helps.

Truth is, I don't have control over my feelings or my memories any more. They arise regularly. It helps if you can make room for them.

I feel as though I'm learning to be a parent for a six month old baby, a three year old, a seven year old, and an angry rebellious fourteen year old.

I'm learning how to pay attention to these inner traumatized children. I had terrible parenting--so I'm having to learn from scratch. How to protect my kids, tune into them, find out what they need and give it to them.

Sometimes they need limits and boundaries--sometimes play, sometimes just attention.

It's part of my therapy homework--that I've resisted--to make time every day to check in with my inner kids and see how they're doing. BTW regarding medication. I take Lexapro which is an anti-depressant and has some anti-anxiety effects. I have a scrip for Xanax to use when I have debillitating panic attacks.