((((((((((((Jewels))))))))))))) I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. It's very hard for me to ask for help and support too, due to past programming. On top of that, trust is hard for me as well.

There is healing to be had though. It takes time to trust and time to ask for help. I am finding that while change and healing is coming very slowly, it's still coming.

I went to my T for several years before I did much more than sit quietly and hand her writings. I wrote about the weather and my children, always testing t with small things to see if she pasted the tests I didn't even realize I was giving her. She read those things and talked to me and with time, I learned that I could trust her with some things. In the meantime, she got to know other parts of me without my knowledge and was able to get an overall picture of what went on for me every day. This gave her insight to help better.

I think that's how healing begins, or at least began for me. The first step is the hardest. I'm not sure how I ended up going to t in the first place as I don't have a lot of memory of the beginning of therapy, but I know it's hard and it's scary.

Maybe you can just call a few places or see if any offices nearby have a website that you can check out? Or maybe you can call the county mental health department and ask them for referrals?

Hang in there.