During my last therapy session I had shared some symptoms I'd been struggling with. I think I was looking for her to tell me, "Chaotic, the symptoms and emotions you are decribing are very common for people like you." But, she didn't really directly say this. So two days later as I typically do now, I send her an email and the exchange goes something like:

Chaotic: 'Are these symptoms really common?' I know I tried to asked you this during the session, but I'm not sure if you really answered affirmatively or not?'

T's reply: 'Yes, these are common symptoms for someone who has suffered childhood abuse. I'm sorry I didn't specifically and directly clairify that for you.'

Chaotic: 'Thanks for being clear. You don't have to answer this question until I come in again. During the session, did you get that this is what I was asking? If so, did you answer my question and I just couldn't hear or comprehend it?

Well, my T chose to immediately respond and it kind of crushed my recent illusion that I was doing so much better in communicating with her during out sessions.

Here was her response:

Chaotic... I suspect certain things regarding you and your past but you have
NEVER clearly stated what you experienced and at times denied that you were SA. ( i use that for your sake). Since I am not exactly clear what you endured or how it affected you I can't clearly state what would be a normal reaction. I think you have told me more than you have ever told anyone before, and I do understand the difficulty in sharing, you still have left many gaps.



There was more to this message. I've just sat on this for a few days. I am just wondering...where do I go from here? I am not upset with anything she wrote. Actually as I reflect on it, its accurate and I know it. I've been just struggling so hard to get stuff out and now I don't know what to try next.