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multipixie9 · Mar 11, 2009, 04:29 AM

earlier this morning i came online to check in and to encourage friends if i can. and then i discovered i am having a g.i. bleed. i've had much g.i. problems, in major part as a psychosomatic response to stress and abuse. even having the kinds of tests necessary to check out my lower g.i. track is triggering. it is scaring me. so...

i am back to share my weakness as well as my strength right now. i am in the age range for colon cancer and i am afraid to call my doctor and perhaps start a series of unpleasant and scary medical experiences that i've had many times before. some of them i refuse to do unless sedated and i make no apologies to them for my attitude about it.

the encouragement i got from deborah getting some help and being up front more often is keeping me from panic and an emotional nosedive, but my littles are upset and i do not have anyone locally i can call for encouragement. so i am sending this out to you guys in cyberspace. i know what i need to do, stop all nsaids like aspirin and get in to be seen if this doesn't clear up quickly. i am saying this online as a confirmation that i don't want to stick my head in the sand and not take action because of fear.

i'm not really asking you all for anything, though you are all very encouraging when i come here in need.

(she may not need nuffin but i don wana go to no doc an let dem do stuf to us, it brings bad stuf up an dey mite hurt me. i don wana tak my clos off an i won do it so there. jus u try an mak me strip an ill kik sumbody. don nobody mess wif me u here me, lesle??????)

um, yes, i hear you, miss pixie. maybe u and i can talk about this offline, ok? i know you are scared, me too.

oh well, we are not in good shape physically due to staying at home too much and bad eating habits, but we will find a way to take care of this, i just don't want to deny what is going on as we often have done due to fear. thanks for listening. hugs ya'll

leslie and all