Kgirl... For me, it was very important that my T chose to include this line. It made me feel like she really appreciated that I was trying and how difficult this has been for me to even get this far. With that line in there...I couldn't read the message with a sarcastic... "don't blame me for not giving you what you wanted, that's what happens when you don't tell me what is really going on."

pegasus... I do see this exchange as indicating some progress. Honestly, for the last two sessions I've felt like I've been telling my T stuff and she is just not "getting" where I am. As I was reflecting on that after the last session, it make me really ask myself:"Am I really saying, out loud what is running through my head? Am I using vague general statements and assuming that she knows what I mean? Am I asking her to make accurate inferences, when I haven't provided enough specific information?" I guess I have the answer to those questions.

Mouse_... I know this. I guess I am just wondering how I want to address these communication gaps. At first I sat and typed out in as clear terms as I could, exactly all the ugly things I remember happening in my childhood. I thought of sending this, but then I said NO. 1) I think any one of us could go back and retrieve a list of negative, awful experiences and things we did or was done to us throughout childhood. Giving someone a list...isn't dealing with it. 2) I think my T was giving me a little nudge in her email. She DOES know about a lot of the facts. I've really communicated directly, and clearly with her via email. We've just never been able to clearly talk about and discuss them.

The other option I considered was to go into the next session, asks where the gaps are and fill them in. But, then I don't know if this is the right approach either. Me asking, "what do you need to know to enable you to help me get rid of this baggage?" does seem right. She doesn't NEED to know anything, she could careless about my baggage. I'm the one who knows what thoughts or topics I tend to avoid. If I really want her help I need to have the guts to say, "I remember this, and it really bothers me."

Next I considered going in and just starting from the very beginning and tell every single detail I can remember. But this will like result in me spending time retelling the things I am comfortable with (being a hyperactive monster child, bah..bah...bah..) and never getting to the real gaps. This approach... seems like it would take another year.

Finally, I considered just saying the heck with the past, its the past, its not important to really understand it all, I should just focus my energy on what things are bothering me "TODAY" in the here and now. Then if it seems like it is related to an incident in the past... I can go back and fill in the gaps, explore, and verbally discuss how it may be affecting me.

Then of course there is part of me that is just saying, "*&^% this! You tried long enough, this must be something that is not meant to be resolved at this time, move on."

See... I've been running through different approaches and starting places.

The good news is... I'm frustrated and concerned about my failure to communicate. But I'm not hurt by her honesty, feeling like a total loser, or feeling like she was saying--"I've tried to help you; but you are helpless." I feel like, it is totally up to me how I choose to proceed and my T will sit and going along with it. I guess this is progress too.