(((((((((((((((Chaotic))))))))))))))))))

I have found that I don't think I will have to tell T every detail about every single thing that ever happened....BUT if there is something that I keep running through my mind over and over and over again....it's probably something I need to talk about. Some of the things seem like huge, significant, obvious topics for therapy - some of the things seem like they may not even be a "big deal" - but if they are there, I try to tell him.

The crazy thing is, two of the things I thought were in the "no big deal" catagory were my rape and my childhood SA (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I thought "this crap isn't even worth mentioning, I'm really here for X, Y, and Z" - but when I opened my mouth and talked, I realized what a huge deal they were, and what a big impact they have had on me and my thinking.

I've found that a lot of times, if I talk about whatever it is that keeps playing over and over again in my mind, it FINALLY stops that tape. It's like, I just had to get it OUT, tell someone it happened, be heard, not have it be my own "secret". Some things have required a lot of processing.....other things that were just eating me up turned out to be not such a big thing once I told and it was like "instant healing".

I guess my point is....try to talk about whatever is on your mind, right NOW. It doesn't have to be everything. But if you are thinking about something, and wondering about talking about it, it's probably happening for a reason.

LOL - Now, let's see if I can follow my own good advice when I see T today. Talk about "easier said than done!!"