I can feel it working inside reading this thread. Tiredness is coming upon me in huge waves, but nevertheless I will speak out what came to my mind when reading the question.

For me, it was already a kind of success and an important step forward to become able to call myself openly a victim. This is simply the truth, because I had no chance to escape when it happened. I had no alternative but to endure. Thank god all this is long over, and so I find solace in the word "survivor" since it exactly describes that the threat and damaging is over.

But if I consider it well, there are many ways that these long gone experiences influence me still at present. I survived, but I survived damaged, I am not more the one I was before. I can live with that - more or at some days less, but I am still in need of recovery.

So, yes, I think it is appropriate to still label myself a survivor. I am not ashamed of that. And I don't think it is giving those who hurt me still power over me. It is not them that still influences me, it is what happened. I know that I am still vulnerable at points where I should not be, but today I can react and defend myself accordingly, since I am no longer in the total power of someone else.

But as long as I am not reliably really resilient I would not say that I am as if untouched. There is a difference and maybe there will be for a long time to come. I do not expect a miracle to happen that will make me whole and perfectly healthy again.

My aim is to reduce the painful effects of my history to a minimum. Since I learned that suffering is also a great teacher of life, I do not complain. Pain is my guide. It shows me where there still are wounds, and then I try to care for them. The rest is patience. And hope of course.