I am so upset. I don't know if i can see my T anymore. I can't breathe right now.

I have been feeling like a few things are missing from my T lately. Since i have such trouble with boundaries, i feel like shes been super firm and lacking in the sympathy department. She has a very blunt way of saying things. like "this is how it is, deal with it" kinda talk. She leaves me with a lot to "think about" instead of disecting my thoughts in the therapy room. I feel we sometimes enter a power struggle to be in control. She taught me to say how i feel and what i need but when i try it with her she takes it as me being critical of her and defends that she knows how to do her job. I love her so much, and shes taught me such great things...shes been encouraging and a great cheerleader.

So i decided maybe i need a break from her. A few weeks being apart and maybe things will be refreshed. She'll be happy to see me again and seem interested again. I called and left her a message saying these things. I told her i was too dependent on her and i felt like we weren't working on that. I said this was hard for me to do and that i would miss her a lot, but i felt like right now a break would be beneficial for both of us. I said that i know i owe her a fee of $200 something (it orginally was 300 but she was cutting me a break) and i told her i would drop off a check.

a few days came and went and i of course didn't go to our apt. she didn't call me or anything, and although i wasn't doing it to get a reaction out of her, i was still curious to see what it would be. When i realized i wouldn't be getting one, i relaxed and went on with my life feeling still stressed about it but ok knowing that i'd be going back when i wanted.

Today i got an email from her. It said, "Since the beginning of the year you have acrued a balance of 765.00. please start paying this off by dropping off a check."

WHAT! all she cares about is money???? How can i even believe she meant what she said when she told me she cared about me. and all of a sudden the balance is 600 dollars more??? and im just supposed to take her word for it??? how am i supposed to talk to her and go back to her and DO therapy. i've been looking for people to talk to about this, and i can't find anyone because usually i would be going to HER about this. She shouldn't be causing problems for me. I need her so much yet i dont know if i can go back to her. this isn't how i wanted it to end. i didnt even WANT it to end i just wanted a break. please be gentle i'm so vulnerable and upset.