Hi Stephanie,

You sound a lot like me. I went through a lot of psychological abuse as a kid and as a teenager and, in result, developed mental illnesses. I was also molested as a child. My anxiety disorder began very early on--probably around the age of six or seven. I think my depression started around the age of 12. I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder. I don't think I'm truly bipolar, but instead, unipolar(depressive) with hypomania. I have some anger issues.

I have bad social anxiety as well as general anxiety. I have no close friends. I think I lack social skills and because of this, it's very tiring when interacting with other people. Also, as you mentioned, I am paranoid about how people view me. In past relationships(I'm married now), I became attached right away and couldn't handle it when I was rejected. Overall, I can't handle rejection in any form; it's like a knife through my heart.

My thoughts race as well. I have tried meditation, but I haven't been consistent. It feels like coming to a completely calm state is impossible. Actually, I have been diagnosed with Adult ADD and now take Vyvanse for it. I have also questioned my sexuality. I think a lot of survivors of childhood trauma face this dilemma.

Also, I have a few physical problems that I think are directly related to my mental illnesses/disorders. I have IBS, migraines, and chronic upper back/neck pain...fun for the whole family!

I think you should eventually go see someone. PTSD probably gets worse than better in most cases, especially when gone untreated.

--Sunnye