Earthmama,
Yes it was, I had no idea what she would do if I shared that stuff with her, but I was sick of keeping that a secret. If I don't share this stuff she won't really know whats going on. That doesn't mean I am going to go in next session and just blurt things out, but I am going to try to express the things I feel the best I can when I feel safe enough to do it.

LLT,
I am with ya, I can't imagine this stuff getting easier. In my head I only fear that things will get worse when I allow myself to be more vulnerable with her. Its far from easy.

Impatient,
Thank you, I hope thats the start of learning how to connect. I had to push myself.

Echos,
Thats exactly it, I told her I feel so alone, I mean I have roomates and friends but no one know what goes on inside my head. I just present myself as someone who is all together and strong. When I told her that my insides dont match my outsides, she said do you mean it feels like 2 different personalities. I shook my head yes. Crap....I guess I have to clarify that with her. I dont necessarily feel like two different people, I more feel like I can't let people see that side of me. Its too scary.

Yes, her hug was very kind. I can't believe I blurted out that I wouldn't ask, when she mentioned one, but thats the truth. If she hadn't asked I would have never known but would have secretly have wanted one.

Sanah,
Thank you, im trying

hangingon