chaotic13,

Thank you for starting this wonderfully thought provoking thread.

Now please forgive this straight talking woman for any offence she may cause.

I can't see where working to get people to like us is of any use to us. We are like an iceberg with only the top showing, no one knows what goes on beneath the surface. We don't even know ourselves for the most part. We as individuals all have our own agenda. We meet with conflict and harmony on a daily bases. All we can really do is make the decision for ourselves as to whether we are going to be a good person or a bad person. And yes, it is a choice. And once that choice is made and we begin to act upon it others will react towards us accordingly. All we can do in any situation is our very best. If we are doing our best and others still have a problem with us then it is their problem not ours.

As for wanting. There is nothing wrong with 'wanting'. We all want something. Even the most spiritually active people want to pass on their messages to others. The day we stop wanting is the day we die.

As for getting others to care about us and love us. We can't make anyone love us. Love, real love comes from a place deep down inside of us and it takes a very special person to awaken this love in us. Just as it takes a very special connection for us to awaken it in others. Once awakened it takes work to keep it awake - like putting logs on a fire to keep it alight.

I truly believe that a change in perception would help you deal with what you have going on just now. You see it as wrong, even bad, to ask for or seek certain things. I believe it is only natural. Divorce happens because people don't have what the other person needs anymore.

I was married for twenty years to a wonderful man before we agreed to divorce. I was dealing with my stuff and he was a soldier who had been seriously injured twice. We helped and supported each other until we were both exhausted with nothing left to give each other. Life is better for us both today and we are still friends.

It all comes down to how we ask for these things. And we must also be open and willing to give the same amount of attention to other people. It has a lot to do with balance - give and take in equal shares. When we take more than we give, others may begin to see us as too needy. Giving attention to others also takes energy. If we just take we end up leaving the other person exhausted. May I suggest that you put your needs on hold for a day or two and just do for your guy? If you don't see a difference in him and how he treats you I'll sell my computer.