I just remembered this... and for some reason it seems important. I wish I knew why, but thought I'd share.

When I broke up with my boyfriend... just a few weeks ago now, I wasn't exactly in the best emotional spot. I definitely DIDNT feel like going to therapy! But I went because I thought I ought to whether I felt like going or not (finally my rational side works and outweighs my emotional side sometimes, yay progress?)

Anyways... I'm rambling on about how the entire relationship went and how I just wanted someone to give me a hug, tell me that I still had worth, that I wasn't screwed up and that there was hope for another relationship with a better guy somewhere in my future.

Scary thing!

She said EXACTLY what I said and then asked "can I give you a hug?" and when I said yes she did I have decided that she may be saving my sanity.

I don't get to see her until next week, but it's been a good two week break now so I'm happy to go back.

So thus I have somewhat learnt that asking for what I want sometimes is okay, and that people can be nice to me and give me what I want sometimes (within reason). It still sucks when I want to manipulate people (I admit I do it, just unconsciously mostly) and they won't give me what I want (it's not like I want "items"... mostly I want affirmations and hugs and generally to get my way. I admit, I'm a control freak).

Woah. I wonder if this is what "getting ahold of myself" is like. Like "normalcy" whatever that is? Idk. But I kinda like it!