I made an appointment with one of the Harbor House counselors for Wednesday. I had been talking to one of the other counselors on the phone, but she kept pushing me towards the groups even though I know I'm not ready for those yet and kept telling her that. She said she only does one-on-one now and never offered to do any more sessions with me after the initial one. So I called the main number, not the outreach. The outreach center counselor called me this morning urging me to cancel the appointment because they don't know if they can help me. I want some help on how to go in to mediation and voice my concerns without my ex steamrolling me and getting me to whimper in the corner and agree to not ask for any changes. I told her I really need to talk to someone, and not in a group because I know I'll monopolize the session. She agreed to keep the appointment.

No one seems to get it through their heads that I'M SCARED OF THIS MAN. It doesn't matter that what I'm trying to do is in the best interest of the children. HE TERRIFIES ME.

I come in here and people tell me to suck it up. Or someone else who doesn't even know my situation tells me to drop it and not use the kids as pawns. Or the counselors think that because I can manage to hold myself together for 50 minutes that I'm not in need of assistance.

Today, I feel like I'm just a big old burdening sack of %#@&#! who doesn't deserve help if the one place that exists for people like me is trying to get me to cancel my appointment.