((((((Christina))))) ((((((Earthmama))))) (((((Kaika)))))))

Thank ya'll, it helps to be heard, my moods have swung again and now I feel horribly manic, this is no fun, I don't like this I want it to stop.

I have two people I could call, but everytime I reach for the phone, my mind screams at me and I toss it across the room to sit on my couch, I keep telling myself no one needs or wants to hear me boo hoo, which I know isn't true I have been scolded by both these friends for not calling when I am like this before, I just can't do it, I just can't reach out to them, I don't want to burden them, I really don't, I want to help and take care of others, not be taken care of myself, I know that is a bad train of thought but I just can't help myself.

I feel so guilty for being like this, I can't stop crying, I physically can't stop....

Why??????????????????????????????????????/

I'm sorry I"m sorry I'm sorry
so sorry
I now feel like I am hurting everyone

I fell like this is all me crying for attention but I'm not, I'm just trying to stay safe..my brain swims..nothing makes sense in my own mind anymore..this madness....this madness.................

I swear, I wont' hurt myself, I have made a promise to some very important people in my life, that I will not do that, I just don't know how to make this downward spiral stop...........