thank you....it seems its so hard for me to believe that feeling means I am real....I hadn't made that connection...have always felt I am wrong to want to be loved....
(lots of unresolved oedipal issues)
The self hatred is weirdly more real to me than caring...Sounds twisted I know...
I do have a tendency to dissociate/depersonalise (BPD/PTSD)
When my hands start to go numb...

This lack of sense of person-hood, is devastating...has been with me all my life...I have abandoned myself forever...hopefully I am beginning to change that now---important things happening in therapy....and it hurts....

thank you.....

sorrel