((((((((((((((((((((((searching))))))))))))))))))))))

My T is very clear that if I want a call back, he will absolutely call me back, no question about it, BUT I have to clearly state that I need a call back. If I say "don't call" he won't call. I know that this is probably partly for his own sanity (he can't read the minds of everyone who calls and figure out if they *really* don't want a call or if they are just saying that), and partly to teach me that I can get my needs met, and it's okay, but I have to be honest and straightforward about what those needs are.

T has called me ONCE in 16 months when I didn't ask for a call back....he said he was calling to confirm our appointment time (which was a little confusing), but I think he was using that as an excuse to check on me, because once the appt time was confirmed, he quickly moved on to figuring out if I was okay (I wasn't, and I'm sure that was clear in my "no need to call back" message). I thought it was interesting that he made the call about the appointment time...I'm guessing it was because he wanted to call to check on me, but didn't want to change the boundary of "I won't call unless you ask for a call back". That was a really unusual situation though, and only happened once in dozens and dozens (maybe hundreds!) of phone messages during our work together.

I remember once when we had a phone check-in set up for a Sunday. The Friday before, he had wanted to hospitalize me and I refused, so we set up a phone call. He didn't call when he said he would (at 2) and even though I knew that he was definitely going to call when he could, I didn't want to sit around and wait, so I called him and left a message saying not to call, that I didn't really need to talk to him.

In session the next day, he said he had a hard time figuring out what to do. He asked himself "if this was my sister, or my daughter, would I still call?"...but the thing is, I am NOT his sister or daughter, I am his therapy client. I was actually surprised he even went there in his head. Anyhow, he didn't call.

There have been times I have left a message and said I didn't need a call back...but then later, realized that I really DID need a call. So, I called back and told him just that- I thought I didn't need a call, but I did, and would he please call. And he did.

(((((((((((((((((((((Searching))))))))))))))))))))))) It's good that you are recognizing and looking at your feelings around this. It will be something to learn from, and something to process with your T. And if you still really want to talk to her before your session, can you give yourself permission to call and ask for a call back? It's okay to change your mind, you know