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Your not alone.....we are here and we care about you...here at PC you are somone and you matter to us...
I myself understand the selfhatred issue... I deal with it all the time... I suffer from BPD and PTSD and I SI too... I abandoned myself years ago too and I have been working hard the last years in Therapy to change things.....Important things are happening with me right now too and it does HURT and it is VERY PAINFUL and my T told me today that is NORMAL.....
So come here and post about your feelings and get support and encouragement to keep going and working hard....this place is great you will LOVE it here...
WELCOME again